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ERKS*, BELLS AND BUCKET BAPTISMS BY LYNTON DIGGLE it, and good luck to him too. Rena was built some twenty years ago when bells were still de rigueur. The cruise ship, Dawn Princess, one of our regular visitors, has no bell. It has an enclosed deck and a bell would be of no use, even to ring off the shackles when anchoring. They use walkie talkies. The crew have digital watches too and know when to go to work. Ring a bell during fog? Really? It has an electric gong for that. It does have a bell, but displayed on the bridge and bolted down. Probably to stop pilfering. From the horse���s mouth, or more correctly from a recent visitor Captain Chris Wells, Master of the Queen Elizabeth, ���We have no bells used in the traditional manner as we have navigation and other systems approved by The Classification Society, and/or other societies, and/or other regulations. Any information or purpose of a traditional ship���s bell is now supplied by Microsoft.��� Ship���s bells are everywhere. Schools, churches, sea scout halls, fire brigades, museums and private collections. So far no one is telling where Rena���s bell has gone. However the Queen Elizabeth does have a ship���s bell. Not her own, but a historic one that hangs in a hall along with all the other plaques and ship���s memorabilia, such as the bell from Queen Elizabeth of 1940 and QE2���s bell. The passengers love to ogle. Someone owes me a chocolate fish! * erk: i - n. (slang) a stupid person (dictionary.com) ii - Extracellular signal-regulated kinases, a kind of protein molecule (wikipedia) VIP.S69 G oogle says ���The oldest record of a ship���s bell comes from the inventories of William Soper, keeper of the king���s ships 1422-1427, that at least one English royal vessel, the Rodcogge de la Tour, had a brass bell ���to mark the watches of the sailors���. As the Rodcogge was originally a prize vessel taken into Henry VI���s Royal Squadron in June 1414, it is reasonable to assume the bell was part of her inventory at that early date.��� A ship���s bell has such a romantic ring to it and has served many useful purposes: dinner���s ready; rum���s ready; time to go to work. For researchers, bells can give positive identification of a wreck and are much sought after. Maritime archaeologists espouse the idea that nothing should be removed from a wreck and should be left in situ to be preserved, yet most cannot resist bringing up any ship���s bell they find. Ship���s bells are everywhere. Schools, churches, sea scout halls, fire brigades, museums and private collections. So far no one is telling where Rena���s bell has gone. Now, a very well known erk of the maritime world who shall be nameless, but someone I regard as one of maritime���s cognoscenti, is adamant that ships��� bells are still a requirement, and are a survey item. (Nameless, ���cause I couldn���t countenance him cancelling my complementary copy of Professional Skipper magazine, could I?) Oh, how some still live in the past, wanting to relive those days of old when the sound of a ship���s bell signifying rum time brings back nostalgic memories. For those non-members of the cognoscenti, you may have to consult Google for the meaning of ���erk���. Such a good word, erk. However, my favourite erk is probably correct and I���m sure somewhere on Lloyd���s list of rules a bell will still be a survey item. I imagine in England, somewhere on the statute books, it probably still says a red flag must be carried in front of a horseless carriage too. However in this age of iPods, Apple iPhone 5s, ship���s electronic gongs and whistles, no one except the navy gives a rat���s arse at having a working bell on board. The ship���s bell has gone the way of Morse code. Soon even the navy will be conducting baptisms in a bucket. The book says the job of polishing a ship���s bell belongs to the cook. Imagine the head chef on a cruise liner being told to shine up the bell! I can just see him chasing the captain through the chandelier-hung dining room, meat cleaver in hand. KiwiRail���s ferry, Aratere, has a bell, but it lives in a cupboard near the bridge. I asked the engineer. He said he had never seen it and believed it didn���t have one. Rena had a bell, but some bastard has already flogged it; as you do, or perhaps it was presented to the captain as a memento of his seafaring days? Even Svitzer���s salvage master is looking for March/April 2013 Professional Skipper 65