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Illu
Green to the grave
Life is just
Journalist, novelist
and public speaker
Sue Webster
is part of the third
generation of
a dairying family
and the director
of a company
that specialises in
agricultural and
financial writing.
there to keep the meat fresh ... and when
you've got to go, you've got to go.
Whether you choose to go green, blue, black, tartan or
'polka dotted', it doesn't much matter; I'm told they can
paint coffins any colour you want.
We are, nevertheless, being urged to go green, although
whether it be British Racing Green, Brunswick Green
or cacky hospital green doesn't seem to be specified.
Undertakers don't offer colour charts … but, then, the
neighbours have never complained.
Going green into the hereafter can involve fully
biodegradable coffins made from recycled paper pulp
pressed into high-density cardboard. I'm told some
developing nations even have recyclable coffins with a
hinged flap at one end for easy disposal of the contents.
With arable land at a premium, there's plenty of activity
around vertical burials. But burial is not good for the ecofriendly citizen, as artificial joints, amalgam fillings and
preserving fluids make us noxious rotters.
One alternative is a process that freeze-dries the
body using liquid nitrogen and vibrates it into flakes of
organic powder.* And then there's a Scottish firm trying
to persuade us to become liquefied, basically washing
everything but our bones down the drain. The process,
called resomation, claims to cut greenhouse gases by
35 per cent compared with cremation.
Crematoria are chasing smaller carbon footprints.
In the UK, Durham Crematorium is installing turbines
in its burners that will provide enough energy to power
1,500 televisions. (Personally, I wouldn't want the legacy
of my life to be Thursday night's broadcast of Big Brother.)
Capable of producing up to 250kWh, the turbines
will be powered by steam produced from cooling the
extremely hot gases – at least 815 degrees Celsius – used
to cremate the bodies. Most of the heat is generated by
these gases, with only a negligible amount coming from
the bodies themselves.
In the UK, about 75 per cent of the dead are cremated.
They leave a big footprint – or fangprint, perhaps? – with
their greenhouse gas emissions. Apparently, up to 16
per cent of all mercury emitted in the UK comes from
crematoria because of fillings in teeth. Left unchecked,
that figure is predicted to rise to 25 per cent by 2020.
The message is clear: Save the environment – lose
all your teeth before you die.
* That reminds me of some parties I've survived. Just.
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